★ school photos ★

november 4, 2025

weather: 73, clear
moon phase: waxing gibbous
listening to: "aerials" – system of a down
watching: n/a
reading: n/a

As the title might suggest, today is the day I take my senior photos and I am.... not prepared! I totally forgot and I forgot to shower last night and I look a mess. But I'm pretty sure senior photos are supposed to reflect you as a person or whatever so that works fine I think.

Halloween was... a little less than kosher. Ran into a stop sign, bawled my eyes out, passed out on the couch with my dear friends that I love so much. I've been thinking about my friends a lot. I want more friends. :( But I am terrible at reaching out to people and tend to always fall a little flat. I am so much larger than life until... I'm not. Woof. Arthor's been a little depressed, I guess. It's hard for me to keep any high energy and most things seem to feel like a chore, even when I know they shouldn't. But alas, life goes on I think! Even when it sort of feels like everything should grind to a halt.
I miss my partner a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I didn't feel too much despair at the thought of her going back to Missouri honestly; I was upset, but I figured it'd be fine. We'd been long distance before and we could be long distance again, but this... sucks. It sucks terribly. It's so hard for me to feel close to him and I feel awful all the time. Only having it online and even that being somewhat strained is really doing a number on me, if not... obvious. I'm struggling kind of really bad right now, actually. It doesn't really seem like it and I'm trying to not make it obvious but everything feels rather bleak and hopeless right now. And my stupid fucking brain taking everything personally doesn't help. Oh, he doesn't draw often and when he does he doesn't want to draw for you! Because he hates you! You should just break up and run away and die! Okay awesome I feel amazing thanks brain.

SIGH I'm bored and my brain is empty and dying I'm just sad and kind of lonely and everything sucks and there's still forty minutes left of class and I haven't eaten in some twenty-four hours and it hurts a bit. Signing off, I think. I don't know anymore.